


But She Was A Jedi

by Sarcastic_bubble



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heavy Angst, Jedi Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22673188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarcastic_bubble/pseuds/Sarcastic_bubble
Summary: Anakin has just returned from a mission and has something to tell (Y/N). It doesn’t go quite as planned.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker/Reader
Kudos: 39





	But She Was A Jedi

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to take a moment to say I meant for this to have a fluffy end but then something just sorta happened and it turned into pure angst. Oops. Also been like three years since I’ve written fanfiction for any fandom sorry sorry if this doesn’t make much sense. Once again, oops.

(Y/N) was a Jedi, and a damn good one at that. She was padawan but she didn’t let that stop her from playing her part in keeping the galaxy safe. She took every part of the oath she had made to heart and held to the codes like they were the only thing keeping her alive, but there were times she swore the force must be testing her in the form of fellow padawan Anakin Skywalker. They had been friends as children and as he grew so did their bond. Which was why (Y/N) found herself standing out on a deserted balcony trying not to fall apart. 

_Anakin was returning from a rather long assignment and (Y/N) was determined to meet him at the hanger. Her master hadn’t been pleased when she told him that she would be unable to meditate with him tonight but that was a problem she would solve in the morning. For now, her only concern was when Anakin and Obi-wan’s ship would land. She stood near the exit of the hanger the open doors letting the cool night air in. She shivered and pulled her cloak tighter around her, but it didn’t do much to stop the small shivers running down her body. As much as she wanted to find a warmer place to wait, she had promised Anakin she would be there to greet him. Before he had left, he had mentioned that there was something he wanted to tell her, and she was dying to know what it could possibly be. After nearly an hour of waiting a ship came into view. It had to be his, she couldn’t imagine anyone visiting the Temple this late._

_When the ship landed in the hanger, she didn’t bother to stop the smile that formed on her lips. He was home. She approached the ship and greeted Anakin as we walked out, “I hope you know you’re late. I’ve been waiting here for ages and I’m fairly certain I’ve caught a cold.”_

_“Not even a hello (Y/N/N)? I don’t actually recall telling you when we’d be back. You can’t be late if you never agreed to a time,” replied Anakin with a smirk. He pulled (Y/N) into a warm embrace that lasted just a bit too long to be purely platonic, “And if you do get sick, we’ll have an excuse to spend more time together while I nurse you back to health.”_

_(Y/N) pulled herself out of his hug and rolled her eyes at him, her hands coming to rest on his biceps. He really could be an idiot sometimes, but an incredibly wonderful one. She looked up at Anakin ready with some witty remark when she noticed his master watching their interaction from a few feet away. He noticed her at once. “Please, don’t stop on my account. Pretend I’m not here, Anakin seems to ignore me enough that I might as well not be,” stated the slightly grumpy Jedi knight. The assignment must not have gone well._

( _Y/N)’s hands dropped to her side, “Master Kenobi, would you mind if I borrowed you padawan for a few minutes. There’s just something I need to discuss with him, and I’d rather not wait until morning.”_

_That had been (Y/N)’s first mistake. She should have just said goodnight after greeting him. She should have waited for him to approach her instead of pushing him. She blamed herself for letting herself for running headfirst into such a vulnerable position._

_Anakin turned to his master with a small and only slightly pleading smile. “Be my guest,” stated Obi-wan as he ran a hand through his hair, “Anakin, if you need me, I’ll be in bed.” With that, he walked off leaving the pair alone._

_“You have something you need to tell me?” asked Anakin, rather confused._

_“No, but you have something to tell me and I don’t know if I can wait any longer to hear it,” (Y/N) replied with a smile._

_Anakin strode out of the hanger, “are you coming?”_

_“Where are you going?”_

_“Just follow me.”_

_And so (Y/N) did. She let him lead her through the winding yet familiar halls of the Jedi Temple until they stopped at one of the many large windows that overlooked the city below. Even late at night, there were always various Jedi moving through the halls, but Anakin had led them to a spot where they could be alone._

_“Don’t tell me that the big thing you had to tell me is that this is your favourite window?” said (Y/N) with a slight shake of her head. The movement caused a strand of her (H/C) hair to fall in front of her eyes._

_“No,” replied Anakin. One of his hands gently brushed the hair from her face and moved to rest on her cheek. His expression was calm and seemed to be filled with love, but surely (Y/N) was only imagining that. His gaze shifted from the night sky to her meet hers, “But the way you glow in the moonlight is my favourite, and the way city lights reflect off your eyes is my favourite.”_

_“Anakin…” his name left her lips as a whisper. A light blush dusted both of their cheeks, but it was too dark for either to notice._

The events of the evening replayed in (Y/N)’s mind and she realized she should have turned and ran. She should have stopped him before he had said anything else. She should have done something to stop what happened next. But she hadn’t, and she hated herself for it. All of the pain she felt could have been avoided if she hadn’t so desperately wanted to hear the words that left his mouth next. 

_“I can’t keep this from you any longer. Each day I hide my feelings from you I find myself in more pain. I’m constantly distracted by thoughts of you and your beauty. I love you (Y/N) and I can no longer bear to keep these feelings to myself.” Anakin’s thumb gently caressed (Y/N)’s cheek and his free hand settled on her waist. This was a moment that they both wished could last forever. The brewing war was forgotten. But ever the realist, (Y/N) was pulled back into the real world._

_This was wrong._

_Her hand gently took Anakin’s, moving it from its position on her cheek. While Anakin’s confession had made her happier than she could ever imagine her expression was sad, “We can’t Anakin. You know the codes as well as I do. This- this is wrong.”_

_His gaze was intense as he attempted to reason with her, “does this feel wrong? Greed, anger, all the other emotions we are warned of feel wrong, but does this? Does love feel wrong to you? How could something as wonderful as love be wrong?”_

_She wanted to give into him, to confess to him all of the love she felt form him. She wanted to give in to the storm of emotions raging within her and forget the codes. He was standing so close she’d only have to shift forward to kiss him and it was distracting. She had been denying her own feeling for so long and had planned to continue ignoring as long as possible, but as Anakin spoke her walls crumbled and her control wavered. This scared her more than any creature she had ever faced. She was a Jedi and Jedi was always in control of their emotions. But that control was slipping in a way she had never experienced before, “What about the council? If they find out, we’ll be removed from the order. We couldn’t hide it from them forever. It would never work.”_

_“They won’t find out and if they do, we’ll face whatever the punishment is together. But no matter what they did we would still be together in the end and that’s all that matters to me. You are more important to me than any rule that may try to keep us apart,” he said as he took both her hands in his. His eyes seemed to be pleading with her, sharing feelings his words ever could._

_(Y/N) glanced down at her feet and then back to his blue eyes. She wanted to give in, she needed too. The more he spoke the more pointless her internal battle became. The thought of relinquishing control and diving into what she felt for her was becoming less terrifying. She could just give in, but the fear struck again. If she could give in to this what else would she be willing to surrender too? Thoughts of the dark side crossed her mind. Opening herself up to its influence was against everything she had ever been taught and all she stood for. She was a Jedi and she couldn’t let herself give in._

_She had to leave before he broke her down completely. As much as she wanted to turn and run, she couldn’t. Anakin was one of her oldest friends and she believed he at least deserved to know how she felt before she disappeared from his life, for both of their sakes. “Anakin… I love you too. I have since we were children, but it can’t be. As much as I yearn to be with you my place in the universe is not by your side. As Jedi we cannot just belong to one, we are here to help all. I love you and I’m positive I will continue to love you until the day I stop breathing but it just can’t be,” said (Y/N) quietly. She leaned up onto her toes and gave Anakin a gentle kiss on his cheek. “Good night, Anakin.”_

_With that (Y/N) turned and left, unable and unwilling to look at Anakin after breaking his heart and after breaking her own. She held herself together long enough to get out of sight and then she let herself cry._

(Y/N) used the sleeve of her robe to wipe the last of the tears from her face. She was a Jedi and a damn good one at that. She didn’t have room in her life for love or heartbreak. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She found some peace in meditation and when she opened her eyes the sun had begun to rise. The world felt lonelier but (Y/N) was a Jedi and the life of a Jedi is a lonely one. 


End file.
